One of the more controversial mods over at www.eslcafe.com is none other than Boy Enrico.
He's banned me from the site. He's also banned several of my users.
To add insult to injury, he's even banned my poor innocent blog from ever being mentioned.
Boy Enrico hates me so much that he's trying to erase me from history.
He stopped by recently.
This is what he had to say:
Enrico here. Look, I'm not in the business of making enemies. I could do that in my free time if I wanted. I'm basically just a lonely guy who needs an outlet just like yourself. You have your own blog - great - but I'm kinda committed to helping out Dave. Perhaps I do need to turn over a new leaf. I've been thinking about quitting as a MOD for a few months now. I like to charter a new more rewarding course to sail. Cheers from NOT YOUR ENEMY. As you noted I'm not perfect hence my spelling mistakes.
My response?
Relax, Boy Enrico. Why so serious?
This blog will never be used as a weapon against you or anyone else. I might break your balls from time to time.
But there are no hard feelings.
In fact, by banning me, you've given me something interesting to talk about.
Furthermore, I have the best users in all of Korea. This site doesn't attract a lot of internet geeks.
You aren't going to have any problems from them.
We look at our banishment from www.eslcafe.com as a badge of honor.
Should you resign? Personally, I hope you stay. You add spice to this piece of shit blog of mine.
In the end, however, it's up to you. Do you enjoy being a moderator? Yes? Then keep on keeping on.
Everybody needs a hobby.
You are always welcome to come here and post any time you like.
Hell, I'll give you a once a week guest spot. The thoughts of Boy Enrico would certainly improve my traffic.
Now go enjoy yourself.
And Blian Golden Balls to you, my friend.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
A Mongol Chlistmas!
On Friday night,--Christmas Eve--we went to my Mongol sister-in-law's apartment to celebrate. She's married to a Korean man who makes teeth for a living.
My brother-in-law is my favorite Mongol. He earns a ton of money. But he never acts like a snob.
Furthermore, he's wonderful to the Children of the Rice. I like people who are kind to my boys.
Lastly, he enjoys taking a drink. I enjoy taking a drink.
We had all kinds of food.
The evening started with something called nock-chee.
Basically, you chop an octopus up while the poor beast is still alive. Then you dip the still-moving tentacles into hot sauce and eat them.
Nock-chee is an acquired taste. I happen to love it.
After that, we had duck, pork, and more seafood.
It was a pleasant evening.
Christmas day was also very nice. Christmas isn't that big of a deal in Korea. So you don't have to spend a fortune on presents.
We drove to the big city and parked at a local college. Then we walked around town.
But the weather was pure shit. It was cold and rainy.
Our Christmas meal was sushi. We also had noodles.
My oldest son said, "I want to go to the amusement park."
I said, "Son, it's freezing. Plus my feet are wet. Give Dad a break."
He said, "It's Christmas. That's my day. I want to go to the amusement park."
So we went to the local amusement park. What could I do? Deny the boy his Christmas wish?
While we walked from the parking lot toward the rides, he started to get all excited.
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "OK. We'll do the viking ship."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "We'll do the God damn viking ship. Calm down."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "Son, if you say the words viking ship one more time, I'm going to throw you through the nearest concrete wall."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
So we did the viking ship. It was fun. Not too scary.
After that, we did this ride called The Blizzard. It was terrifying.
They strap you into a tiny plastic chair. Then the pendulum swings back and forth at a very high rate of speed.
You are in the air a good 40 or 50 feet feeling that--at any moment--you will be catapulted to your death.
However, my boy loved it.
He said, "Let's do the roller coaster."
This particular park has a loop coaster. But I was so shaken up from The Blizzard that I just couldn't do it.
I said, "Sorry, Son. Not tonight."
He said, "Are you afraid?"
I said, "I'm complete chickenshit."
He rode the rides without me.
After the amusement park, we drove back to the rice paddy. We went to the local taegi kalbi restaurant for dinner.
It was delicious. The owner really turns pork into an art form.
I killed two bottles of Toad Juice with my meal.
The boys ran around in the playroom with the other Mongol children.
We capped the evening off by returning to the apartment and eating popsicles.
The Children of the Rice and I love the ones that taste like Coke.
And that was my Mongol Christmas.
It might have been my best Christmas ever.
I hope yours was nice also.
Blian Golden Balls to all of you.
And a happy New Year!
My brother-in-law is my favorite Mongol. He earns a ton of money. But he never acts like a snob.
Furthermore, he's wonderful to the Children of the Rice. I like people who are kind to my boys.
Lastly, he enjoys taking a drink. I enjoy taking a drink.
We had all kinds of food.
The evening started with something called nock-chee.
Basically, you chop an octopus up while the poor beast is still alive. Then you dip the still-moving tentacles into hot sauce and eat them.
Nock-chee is an acquired taste. I happen to love it.
After that, we had duck, pork, and more seafood.
It was a pleasant evening.
Christmas day was also very nice. Christmas isn't that big of a deal in Korea. So you don't have to spend a fortune on presents.
We drove to the big city and parked at a local college. Then we walked around town.
But the weather was pure shit. It was cold and rainy.
Our Christmas meal was sushi. We also had noodles.
My oldest son said, "I want to go to the amusement park."
I said, "Son, it's freezing. Plus my feet are wet. Give Dad a break."
He said, "It's Christmas. That's my day. I want to go to the amusement park."
So we went to the local amusement park. What could I do? Deny the boy his Christmas wish?
While we walked from the parking lot toward the rides, he started to get all excited.
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "OK. We'll do the viking ship."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "We'll do the God damn viking ship. Calm down."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
I said, "Son, if you say the words viking ship one more time, I'm going to throw you through the nearest concrete wall."
He said, "I want to do the viking ship."
So we did the viking ship. It was fun. Not too scary.
After that, we did this ride called The Blizzard. It was terrifying.
They strap you into a tiny plastic chair. Then the pendulum swings back and forth at a very high rate of speed.
You are in the air a good 40 or 50 feet feeling that--at any moment--you will be catapulted to your death.
However, my boy loved it.
He said, "Let's do the roller coaster."
This particular park has a loop coaster. But I was so shaken up from The Blizzard that I just couldn't do it.
I said, "Sorry, Son. Not tonight."
He said, "Are you afraid?"
I said, "I'm complete chickenshit."
He rode the rides without me.
After the amusement park, we drove back to the rice paddy. We went to the local taegi kalbi restaurant for dinner.
It was delicious. The owner really turns pork into an art form.
I killed two bottles of Toad Juice with my meal.
The boys ran around in the playroom with the other Mongol children.
We capped the evening off by returning to the apartment and eating popsicles.
The Children of the Rice and I love the ones that taste like Coke.
And that was my Mongol Christmas.
It might have been my best Christmas ever.
I hope yours was nice also.
Blian Golden Balls to all of you.
And a happy New Year!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Dinner With the Plincipal!
Yesterday, I went to eat dinner with the principal.
All the foreign language teachers were there. And my school has a lot of them.
We have a Korean Chinese teacher. Plus we have a native Chinese teacher.
We have a Korean Japanese teacher. Plus we have a native Japanese teacher.
We have five Korean English teachers--along with little old me.
My main co-teacher drove me to the restaurant. She cried the whole way there.
I was terrified we'd get into an accident.
She said, "Da chief teacha give to me so much work. You don't know my stless."
I might not know her stress. But I do know my stance on Mongol bullshit. I wasn't about to get in the middle.
I said, "Maybe you take the job too seriously."
She said, "But I must do my vely best. It my lesponsibirity."
I didn't respond. I just let the subject drop.
The dinner was nice. We had mok sam-gyup-saal.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal want to know how many bottle soju you can dwink."
I said, "Two bottles."
A collective gasp of admiration erupted throughout the table.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal say dat too much."
But the Mongols are a curious bunch. They wanted to see how a foreigner--especially an American--would react to their drug of choice.
Well, you'll be glad to know that poor old Mr. Wonderful was up to the task.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal say if you not dwink da two bottle, we reave you at the lestaulant."
I laughed. I thought it was a funny line.
Before all was said and done, I consumed a bottle and a half of Toad Juice. I also drank a glass of beer.
I wasn't drunk. But I did have a pleasant buzz.
The natives were quite impressed. Today, they are singing my praises in the teacher's room.
I like it when people sing my praises.
I left the Santa Fe at school. I took the bus home.
I knew the Dragon Lady was going to be angry. Don't get me wrong. She doesn't care about my health.
If I were a heroin addict, it would be OK with my wife.
Her main concern is that I'm in the apartment at a respectable time and wearing my jammies. My jammies are my prison clothes.
She only lets me out to work. Miss Mongol 1997 likes to keep her beady little eyes on her husband.
She said, "You dwink with da plincipal?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "You da stoopid man. You know da plincipal onry raughs at you? He tink you da monkey. Koleans sucks. Dey just testing you and raughing at da foreigna."
The Dragon Lady is a self-hating Mongol.
But she doesn't understand my mind. I'm fully aware that Koreans are racist.
However, I'm a racist bastard, too.
To a Mongol, I look like a monkey. I'm covered with hair. And--like my father-in-law once said--I smell like old meat.
They like to raugh at me. They like to stare at me. They like to point at me. And, if they could, they would poke me with a stick.
To me, the Mongols look like fish. Fish which reek of garlic.
I like to raugh at them. I like to stare at them. I like to point at them. And, if I could, I would poke them with a stick.
It seems like a fair trade.
The Dragon Lady makes too much of race.
Back in the day, she had a clear choice. She could marry a monkey or marry a fish.
She selected the monkey. Now it's time to get over it.
Melly Chlistmas!
And Blian Golden Balls to everyone.
All the foreign language teachers were there. And my school has a lot of them.
We have a Korean Chinese teacher. Plus we have a native Chinese teacher.
We have a Korean Japanese teacher. Plus we have a native Japanese teacher.
We have five Korean English teachers--along with little old me.
My main co-teacher drove me to the restaurant. She cried the whole way there.
I was terrified we'd get into an accident.
She said, "Da chief teacha give to me so much work. You don't know my stless."
I might not know her stress. But I do know my stance on Mongol bullshit. I wasn't about to get in the middle.
I said, "Maybe you take the job too seriously."
She said, "But I must do my vely best. It my lesponsibirity."
I didn't respond. I just let the subject drop.
The dinner was nice. We had mok sam-gyup-saal.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal want to know how many bottle soju you can dwink."
I said, "Two bottles."
A collective gasp of admiration erupted throughout the table.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal say dat too much."
But the Mongols are a curious bunch. They wanted to see how a foreigner--especially an American--would react to their drug of choice.
Well, you'll be glad to know that poor old Mr. Wonderful was up to the task.
My co-teacher said, "The plincipal say if you not dwink da two bottle, we reave you at the lestaulant."
I laughed. I thought it was a funny line.
Before all was said and done, I consumed a bottle and a half of Toad Juice. I also drank a glass of beer.
I wasn't drunk. But I did have a pleasant buzz.
The natives were quite impressed. Today, they are singing my praises in the teacher's room.
I like it when people sing my praises.
I left the Santa Fe at school. I took the bus home.
I knew the Dragon Lady was going to be angry. Don't get me wrong. She doesn't care about my health.
If I were a heroin addict, it would be OK with my wife.
Her main concern is that I'm in the apartment at a respectable time and wearing my jammies. My jammies are my prison clothes.
She only lets me out to work. Miss Mongol 1997 likes to keep her beady little eyes on her husband.
She said, "You dwink with da plincipal?"
I said, "Yes."
She said, "You da stoopid man. You know da plincipal onry raughs at you? He tink you da monkey. Koleans sucks. Dey just testing you and raughing at da foreigna."
The Dragon Lady is a self-hating Mongol.
But she doesn't understand my mind. I'm fully aware that Koreans are racist.
However, I'm a racist bastard, too.
To a Mongol, I look like a monkey. I'm covered with hair. And--like my father-in-law once said--I smell like old meat.
They like to raugh at me. They like to stare at me. They like to point at me. And, if they could, they would poke me with a stick.
To me, the Mongols look like fish. Fish which reek of garlic.
I like to raugh at them. I like to stare at them. I like to point at them. And, if I could, I would poke them with a stick.
It seems like a fair trade.
The Dragon Lady makes too much of race.
Back in the day, she had a clear choice. She could marry a monkey or marry a fish.
She selected the monkey. Now it's time to get over it.
Melly Chlistmas!
And Blian Golden Balls to everyone.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Yesterday and Today!
Yesterday, I got back to the rice paddy at 6 p.m.
I stopped to buy Toad Juice at my favorite supa. Two bottles of Jinro Original.
Again, I did it Mongol style. I parked my Santa Fe in the middle of the street and turned on my flashers.
All the traffic had to swerve around me--including the buses. But I didn't give a fuck. When in Rome!
My apartment was packed with rug rats. The Dragon Lady was holding her first annual Christmas party for her students.
All the Mongol mommies were there snapping pictures as their children spoke English.
Food and beverages were served. We had pizza and chicken and fish-bits, etc.
We also had several bottles of Coke and cider.
Because the Mongol mommies were present, I had to hide my Toad Juice. After all, I wouldn't want them to think I'm a filthy lush.
I planted the bottles discreetly in a closet located in the entrance way.
Now you dirty cocksuckers know how kind and gentle I am.
I love children. And I absolutely adore both ponies and kittens.
Nevertheless, I hate having people in my house. I'm around people all day.
So, when I get home, I just want to swill Toad Juice and suck on popsicles.
My favorite popsicles are the ones that taste like Coke. Yummy.
After the Golden Horde had finally left, the Dragon Lady cleaned the apartment.
However, she didn't complain a bit. Why? The Queen Elephant and my Mongol sister-in-law were there to help.
While they handled their feminine duties, I munched on fried chicken and drank soju.
I killed both bottles.
Well, I didn't really kill them. It was more akin to murder.
Today, I got a lot of work done.
I completed the lesson plans for my winter camp while the girls watched Twilight.
I truly am super human. Now if I could just do something about my pencil dick.
I want to go home, but I can't. I have to go eat with the principal.
What's a boy to do?
I probably won't get home till 9 p.m.
It's a sad tale.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.
Blian Golden Balls to each and every one of you.
I stopped to buy Toad Juice at my favorite supa. Two bottles of Jinro Original.
Again, I did it Mongol style. I parked my Santa Fe in the middle of the street and turned on my flashers.
All the traffic had to swerve around me--including the buses. But I didn't give a fuck. When in Rome!
My apartment was packed with rug rats. The Dragon Lady was holding her first annual Christmas party for her students.
All the Mongol mommies were there snapping pictures as their children spoke English.
Food and beverages were served. We had pizza and chicken and fish-bits, etc.
We also had several bottles of Coke and cider.
Because the Mongol mommies were present, I had to hide my Toad Juice. After all, I wouldn't want them to think I'm a filthy lush.
I planted the bottles discreetly in a closet located in the entrance way.
Now you dirty cocksuckers know how kind and gentle I am.
I love children. And I absolutely adore both ponies and kittens.
Nevertheless, I hate having people in my house. I'm around people all day.
So, when I get home, I just want to swill Toad Juice and suck on popsicles.
My favorite popsicles are the ones that taste like Coke. Yummy.
After the Golden Horde had finally left, the Dragon Lady cleaned the apartment.
However, she didn't complain a bit. Why? The Queen Elephant and my Mongol sister-in-law were there to help.
While they handled their feminine duties, I munched on fried chicken and drank soju.
I killed both bottles.
Well, I didn't really kill them. It was more akin to murder.
Today, I got a lot of work done.
I completed the lesson plans for my winter camp while the girls watched Twilight.
I truly am super human. Now if I could just do something about my pencil dick.
I want to go home, but I can't. I have to go eat with the principal.
What's a boy to do?
I probably won't get home till 9 p.m.
It's a sad tale.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.
Blian Golden Balls to each and every one of you.
The Fallen Heroes!
Have you been banned by www.eslcafe.com.
Well, tell Mr. Wonderful all about it.
Place your heartbreaking stories in the comment section.
I'll throw the spotlight on the best of them.
Blian Golden Balls to you, my friends.
Be strong for poor old Mr. Wonderful.
So long for now.
Well, tell Mr. Wonderful all about it.
Place your heartbreaking stories in the comment section.
I'll throw the spotlight on the best of them.
Blian Golden Balls to you, my friends.
Be strong for poor old Mr. Wonderful.
So long for now.
An ESL Mod Jumps Into the Fray!
Enrico visited my blog last night. He even left a comment.
No shit.
This is what he had to say:
Burndog, no, moderators are not going to go after you simply because you post on another site. That's ridiculous. It's simple. There's a TOS. We aim to be consistent at implementing it. That's what mods have been entrusted to do by most users and the administrator. You're free to post on this site. However, folks quoting this site, which is connected to a banned user, that's a whole different matter. We don't things connected to banned users and their blogs. If they can't respect the site and follow the TOS, then they've made their choice. We didn't make it for 'em. And, no, the user in question wasn't zapped simply because of his post regarding anal beeds. It was just one of several violations. It's simple, users are adults, they're teachers, they can understand just as you don't smoke on Independent School District grounds, you follow the terms of service of a site. So, no, burndog, you can post here with your username. We don't generally have time, as someone claimed Tzechuk said, to check these sites much. We may do it once in a blue moon if someone attracts attention to it. In most cases, when you're flagged it's not simply because mods have eyes of eagles, many veteran posters want Dave's cleaned up. We have nothing personal against you and wish you well somewhere else and would rather you kindly adhered to the reminders to follow the TOS. I am actually a rather democratic individual, but on a large site with so many users, we figure you've been reminded hundreds of the TOS, and you don't care and want to use the site for your own selfish needs. Maybe, instead of pointing at the mods, you should point at yourselves for ignoring the majority of users. We aren't perfect, but you all act that you should be free to do whatever you want... I am sorry try that at your job and see how well the flies. We've got nothing personal against you. You can post here or any site, and follow whatever rules or lack there of on this blog, but that site has its rules. If it had other ones, we'd proceed accordingly. And eulogizing a banned user often entails challenging mods. We're not insecure about it. It is a violation of the TOS and leads to other things. We try to follow it to the letter. It's that simple.Eulogize about the banned user on his own site. Again, we're not after users like burndog or anyone if they use their regular username here unless they come on to Dave's to stir up the pot. And don't forget most of your posts are flagged by other users and then mods see them. This is the last time I look at this site.AnonymousHappy Holidays... Good luck...
How do I know it's Boy Enrico?
First, he's too fucking stupid to spell beads.
Secondly, his comment has that rambling incoherent Boy Enrico-style stamped all over it.
He uses 500 words when a two or three sentence paragraph would work just as well.
Thirdly, his words are chock full of lies--another Boy Enrico trait.
For instance, he says he will never come to this blog again.
Bitch, please.
He comes here every day and will continue to do so.
He might not make another comment. But he'll be lurking.
Boy Enrico needs his daily dose of mirth and laughter.
Yet he will deny this to the myriad of newbies who could benefit from my infinite wisdom.
Boy Enrico is a bad bad naughty moderator.
Mr. Wonderful is truly Blian Golden Balls.
Boy Enrico loves censorship.
Mr. Wonderful loves children and absolutely adores ponies.
Mr. Wonderful good.
Boy Enrico bad.
Blian Golden Balls to you all.
No shit.
This is what he had to say:
Burndog, no, moderators are not going to go after you simply because you post on another site. That's ridiculous. It's simple. There's a TOS. We aim to be consistent at implementing it. That's what mods have been entrusted to do by most users and the administrator. You're free to post on this site. However, folks quoting this site, which is connected to a banned user, that's a whole different matter. We don't things connected to banned users and their blogs. If they can't respect the site and follow the TOS, then they've made their choice. We didn't make it for 'em. And, no, the user in question wasn't zapped simply because of his post regarding anal beeds. It was just one of several violations. It's simple, users are adults, they're teachers, they can understand just as you don't smoke on Independent School District grounds, you follow the terms of service of a site. So, no, burndog, you can post here with your username. We don't generally have time, as someone claimed Tzechuk said, to check these sites much. We may do it once in a blue moon if someone attracts attention to it. In most cases, when you're flagged it's not simply because mods have eyes of eagles, many veteran posters want Dave's cleaned up. We have nothing personal against you and wish you well somewhere else and would rather you kindly adhered to the reminders to follow the TOS. I am actually a rather democratic individual, but on a large site with so many users, we figure you've been reminded hundreds of the TOS, and you don't care and want to use the site for your own selfish needs. Maybe, instead of pointing at the mods, you should point at yourselves for ignoring the majority of users. We aren't perfect, but you all act that you should be free to do whatever you want... I am sorry try that at your job and see how well the flies. We've got nothing personal against you. You can post here or any site, and follow whatever rules or lack there of on this blog, but that site has its rules. If it had other ones, we'd proceed accordingly. And eulogizing a banned user often entails challenging mods. We're not insecure about it. It is a violation of the TOS and leads to other things. We try to follow it to the letter. It's that simple.Eulogize about the banned user on his own site. Again, we're not after users like burndog or anyone if they use their regular username here unless they come on to Dave's to stir up the pot. And don't forget most of your posts are flagged by other users and then mods see them. This is the last time I look at this site.AnonymousHappy Holidays... Good luck...
How do I know it's Boy Enrico?
First, he's too fucking stupid to spell beads.
Secondly, his comment has that rambling incoherent Boy Enrico-style stamped all over it.
He uses 500 words when a two or three sentence paragraph would work just as well.
Thirdly, his words are chock full of lies--another Boy Enrico trait.
For instance, he says he will never come to this blog again.
Bitch, please.
He comes here every day and will continue to do so.
He might not make another comment. But he'll be lurking.
Boy Enrico needs his daily dose of mirth and laughter.
Yet he will deny this to the myriad of newbies who could benefit from my infinite wisdom.
Boy Enrico is a bad bad naughty moderator.
Mr. Wonderful is truly Blian Golden Balls.
Boy Enrico loves censorship.
Mr. Wonderful loves children and absolutely adores ponies.
Mr. Wonderful good.
Boy Enrico bad.
Blian Golden Balls to you all.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Shit Has Hit the Fan!
For the next few days, I'm going to be very busy.
I have to plan for winter camp. Furthermore, I might have an "in" for a very good job in Seoul.
With that in mind, my posts for a week or so are going to be pretty fucking shallow.
That's OK. I'm a shallow guy.
Forgive me, my dearest friends.
And Blian Golden Balls to you all.
I have to plan for winter camp. Furthermore, I might have an "in" for a very good job in Seoul.
With that in mind, my posts for a week or so are going to be pretty fucking shallow.
That's OK. I'm a shallow guy.
Forgive me, my dearest friends.
And Blian Golden Balls to you all.
Celebrating a True Fallen Hero!
One of my users got banned today from www.eslcafe.com.
And why was he exiled? For defending this blog.
His name is Marty Pants.
This is what he had to say:
And those nice things I said got me banned. What a bunch of pricks.No matter. It seems like most of the time on davesesl I wrote how fucking lame the other posters were. I only read that piece of shit when -literally- nothing else was available
Marty Pants's sad tale brings tears to my eyes.
Well, not really. But just humor me.
Marty understood that this is the funniest fucking blog in the entire universe.
He wanted to share the joy with his brothers and sisters.
He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry.
He wanted to stuff his face with pork while swilling Toad Juice.
And what did poor Marty get for his troubles? Excommunication!
Well, I won't stand for it, Mr. High and Mighty Dave's Moderator.
You can do what you want to me! But you leave Marty Pants the fuck alone.
For the love of God, he's just an innocent boy. He loves ponies and adores his poor old mother.
Marty will always be remembered for his courage.
Tonight, while eating my poultry and drinking my soju, I will give this brave young man a 21 gun Blian Golden Balls salute.
Cake and beverages will be served.
So long for now.
And why was he exiled? For defending this blog.
His name is Marty Pants.
This is what he had to say:
And those nice things I said got me banned. What a bunch of pricks.No matter. It seems like most of the time on davesesl I wrote how fucking lame the other posters were. I only read that piece of shit when -literally- nothing else was available
Marty Pants's sad tale brings tears to my eyes.
Well, not really. But just humor me.
Marty understood that this is the funniest fucking blog in the entire universe.
He wanted to share the joy with his brothers and sisters.
He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry.
He wanted to stuff his face with pork while swilling Toad Juice.
And what did poor Marty get for his troubles? Excommunication!
Well, I won't stand for it, Mr. High and Mighty Dave's Moderator.
You can do what you want to me! But you leave Marty Pants the fuck alone.
For the love of God, he's just an innocent boy. He loves ponies and adores his poor old mother.
Marty will always be remembered for his courage.
Tonight, while eating my poultry and drinking my soju, I will give this brave young man a 21 gun Blian Golden Balls salute.
Cake and beverages will be served.
So long for now.
Erased From History...Again!
I've been erased from history...again.
Two users at www.eslcafe.com --Marty Pants and Soth--had nice things to say about this blog.
Here's the thread:
http://forums.eslcafe.com/korea/viewtopic.php?t=170621&start=45
You would have been able to read those nice things.
But the mods deleted both posts.
I can understand banning human beings.
However, banning blogs? That makes no sense.
The mods are not very nice.
In fact, I'd call them naughty.
Bad bad naughty mods!
Anyway, thanks for the kind words, Marty and Soth.
Blian Golden Balls to you, my friends.
Two users at www.eslcafe.com --Marty Pants and Soth--had nice things to say about this blog.
Here's the thread:
http://forums.eslcafe.com/korea/viewtopic.php?t=170621&start=45
You would have been able to read those nice things.
But the mods deleted both posts.
I can understand banning human beings.
However, banning blogs? That makes no sense.
The mods are not very nice.
In fact, I'd call them naughty.
Bad bad naughty mods!
Anyway, thanks for the kind words, Marty and Soth.
Blian Golden Balls to you, my friends.
Monday, December 21, 2009
A Mongol Comprains!
I got a comment from an angry user.
This is what he said:
okay, tell me one thing. why are you referring Koreans as MONGOLS. just pisses me off. sorry. i'm a mongolian and i find it insulting. i know some koreans try to be called "mongolian descendants". hell no. we're not related. if you're afraid of them, use some improvised names not US. if you were living in Mongolia and writing shits about us, no problem.
At first, I thought it was someone pulling my leg.
Then I looked at the Who's Online section of my sidebar.
A user from Mongolia actually showed up today.
I would personally like to welcome this Mongol to my shithole.
Lift a glass of horse piss with your Mongol buddies to celebrate my name--the great Mr. Wonderful!
This is what he said:
okay, tell me one thing. why are you referring Koreans as MONGOLS. just pisses me off. sorry. i'm a mongolian and i find it insulting. i know some koreans try to be called "mongolian descendants". hell no. we're not related. if you're afraid of them, use some improvised names not US. if you were living in Mongolia and writing shits about us, no problem.
At first, I thought it was someone pulling my leg.
Then I looked at the Who's Online section of my sidebar.
A user from Mongolia actually showed up today.
I would personally like to welcome this Mongol to my shithole.
Lift a glass of horse piss with your Mongol buddies to celebrate my name--the great Mr. Wonderful!
I give you and your heathen friends permission to worship me like a God.
I even permit you to sing songs about my glorious deeds deep in the hills. In fact, I encourage it.
Blian Golden Balls to you, little Genghis.
Monday!
Yesterday, we had shabu-shabu for dinner. It was good. Shabu-shabu is my favorite.
I bought the beef at the local butcher shop. It was the first time I had been to the butcher shop.
Usually, I leave all the domestic shit to the Dragon Lady.
While purchasing the beef, I met an old Korean man. He was skunked on soju.
He said, "No shit!"
Then he laughed and spoke Korean.
I said, "Hangook mal moo-tie-yo. Mien hamnida."
He said, "No shit!"
He laughed again and spoke more Korean.
The lady handed him his meat. He was dining on pork that night.
He turned to me and said, "No shit!"
He chuckled and walked out the door.
That might have been the best conversation I've had in years.
After the butcher shop, I stopped by the local supa. I bought two bottles of Toad Juice. What's shabu-shabu without Toad Juice, right?
Then I walked back to my apartment. It was snowing. Everything looked beautiful. I'm a real nature boy.
Miss Mongol 1997 was steamed.
She said, "Your son pray in da snow for da four hour. Four hour he pray in da snow. I told him one hour. But he no risten. Four hour he pray in da snow."
I said, "That's OK. You can't make him sit in the house all day."
She said, "Are you da stoopid man. You want him to sick? Four hour he pray in da snow. Who does dat? Huh? Who does dat? Are we da clazy famiry?"
On Sundays, we usually eat on the floor. We have one of those low wooden tables.
It felt wonderful. The floor was toasty warm.
I had to watch Disney while stuffing my face and swilling my Toad Juice.
In one cartoon, Daisy Duck was being rotten to Donald Duck. She wouldn't let Donald go fishing.
My son said, "She's so mean."
I said, "That's her job son. After all, she is a woman."
My wife asked me to take out the garbage. But I refused.
Am I lazy? No.
I'm just a sad product of the American public school system. I don't understand Korean garbage. Plastic goes here. Food stuff goes there. Paper goes yet another place.
And, if you don't get everything just right, the government fines you. It's almost Christmas. I can't afford to give money to the Korean government.
I went to bed at 8 p.m. I was exhausted and a little drunk.
I woke up at 6 a.m. I turned on my Mr. Coffee. Then I took a shit while reading the Korean Herald. There wasn't much in the paper today.
My wife rolled out of bed at 7 a.m. to make my bacon sandwich. I still haven't eaten it yet.
I said, "What's for dinner tonight?"
She said, "Are you tly to make me angly?"
I left it alone.
It was fucking freezing this morning. -8 Celsius.
However, my tootsies felt warm. I'm still wearing my fur-lined Crocs. I look like a true fag. But I'm a fag with warm feat.
Today, the girls and I have been watching the movie Twilight. They absolutely adore the film.
It's about a high school kid named Bella who falls for a sexy vampire named Ed.
Bella loves Ed, and Ed loves Bella. But Ed is afraid. Bella is, after all, a food source.
Nevertheless, when Bella sits next to Ed in Biology class, he frequently pops a glorious vampire boner.
I've never seen a vampire boner. But one would assume it's quite impressive.
Ed loves Bella a lot. He loves hairspray even more. You should see the mop on that guy's head.
Nevertheless, my students find Ed to be a sexy little rattlesnake. Not one of the girls has fallen asleep today. That's some kind of a record.
As I told you before, I'm not sure what's for dinner tonight.
It's Monday. I feel the joys of poultry hanging in the air.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.
Blian Golden Balls to you all.
I bought the beef at the local butcher shop. It was the first time I had been to the butcher shop.
Usually, I leave all the domestic shit to the Dragon Lady.
While purchasing the beef, I met an old Korean man. He was skunked on soju.
He said, "No shit!"
Then he laughed and spoke Korean.
I said, "Hangook mal moo-tie-yo. Mien hamnida."
He said, "No shit!"
He laughed again and spoke more Korean.
The lady handed him his meat. He was dining on pork that night.
He turned to me and said, "No shit!"
He chuckled and walked out the door.
That might have been the best conversation I've had in years.
After the butcher shop, I stopped by the local supa. I bought two bottles of Toad Juice. What's shabu-shabu without Toad Juice, right?
Then I walked back to my apartment. It was snowing. Everything looked beautiful. I'm a real nature boy.
Miss Mongol 1997 was steamed.
She said, "Your son pray in da snow for da four hour. Four hour he pray in da snow. I told him one hour. But he no risten. Four hour he pray in da snow."
I said, "That's OK. You can't make him sit in the house all day."
She said, "Are you da stoopid man. You want him to sick? Four hour he pray in da snow. Who does dat? Huh? Who does dat? Are we da clazy famiry?"
On Sundays, we usually eat on the floor. We have one of those low wooden tables.
It felt wonderful. The floor was toasty warm.
I had to watch Disney while stuffing my face and swilling my Toad Juice.
In one cartoon, Daisy Duck was being rotten to Donald Duck. She wouldn't let Donald go fishing.
My son said, "She's so mean."
I said, "That's her job son. After all, she is a woman."
My wife asked me to take out the garbage. But I refused.
Am I lazy? No.
I'm just a sad product of the American public school system. I don't understand Korean garbage. Plastic goes here. Food stuff goes there. Paper goes yet another place.
And, if you don't get everything just right, the government fines you. It's almost Christmas. I can't afford to give money to the Korean government.
I went to bed at 8 p.m. I was exhausted and a little drunk.
I woke up at 6 a.m. I turned on my Mr. Coffee. Then I took a shit while reading the Korean Herald. There wasn't much in the paper today.
My wife rolled out of bed at 7 a.m. to make my bacon sandwich. I still haven't eaten it yet.
I said, "What's for dinner tonight?"
She said, "Are you tly to make me angly?"
I left it alone.
It was fucking freezing this morning. -8 Celsius.
However, my tootsies felt warm. I'm still wearing my fur-lined Crocs. I look like a true fag. But I'm a fag with warm feat.
Today, the girls and I have been watching the movie Twilight. They absolutely adore the film.
It's about a high school kid named Bella who falls for a sexy vampire named Ed.
Bella loves Ed, and Ed loves Bella. But Ed is afraid. Bella is, after all, a food source.
Nevertheless, when Bella sits next to Ed in Biology class, he frequently pops a glorious vampire boner.
I've never seen a vampire boner. But one would assume it's quite impressive.
Ed loves Bella a lot. He loves hairspray even more. You should see the mop on that guy's head.
Nevertheless, my students find Ed to be a sexy little rattlesnake. Not one of the girls has fallen asleep today. That's some kind of a record.
As I told you before, I'm not sure what's for dinner tonight.
It's Monday. I feel the joys of poultry hanging in the air.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.
Blian Golden Balls to you all.
Congrats to Mary Queen of Scots!
There's a filthy smelly Scotsman who also has a blog.
Here's his address:
www.koreanrumdiary.blogspot.com
I like to refer to him as Mary Queen of Scots because he gets drunk and stupid while enjoying girlie drinks. The poor man can't handle his liquor.
Anyway, a travel website picked up his blog.
Here's the link:
http://www.roadjunky.com/article/2332/the-korean-rum-diary
That's a nice accomplishment. Somebody out there likes you.
I'd also like to thank you for the nice things you said about me.
Congratulations and Blian Golden Balls to you, my friend.
So long for now.
Here's his address:
www.koreanrumdiary.blogspot.com
I like to refer to him as Mary Queen of Scots because he gets drunk and stupid while enjoying girlie drinks. The poor man can't handle his liquor.
Anyway, a travel website picked up his blog.
Here's the link:
http://www.roadjunky.com/article/2332/the-korean-rum-diary
That's a nice accomplishment. Somebody out there likes you.
I'd also like to thank you for the nice things you said about me.
Congratulations and Blian Golden Balls to you, my friend.
So long for now.
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